Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I miss my daughter

Beauty #1 is away at sleep away camp. It is the same camp that I went to throughout my entire childhood as well as the same camp my brother, sister, cousins and my dad went to throughout their childhoods. I love this camp. Beauty #1 LOOVES this camp. So I am so happy she is there, but I miss her more than I can say. It sounds dumb, but it's like an achy missing. It's like the mommy duck looking around counting all her ducklings and that one is missing and Mommy Duck is just beside herself until all the ducks are in the nest.

I guess it's a very, very small example of how the Lord feels about us. He being the shepherd will have the 99 in the pasture, but if one is missing he'll leave the 99 and go find that 100th sheep. It's great to know that God's love for me is the same as my love for my children, but even better, it's actually bigger, stronger and more dependable than my love!

Beauty #1 took her phone to camp (I let her but she wasn't supposed to). That was a bad idea, but Mommy Duck here was thinking, "Oh, it'll be good to be able to talk to her every so often." The problem is that I think it's made her MORE homesick. Yesterday she called me from the bathroom and had to whisper every time someone came in. She was crying and saying she was very homesick. Oh, that just kills me!

I know this is all part of the letting go process. I said to The Man on Monday when I dropped her off in Brooklyn (which is a different story all together), "How am I ever going to say good bye to them (including Beauty #2 who didn't go to camp) when they go off to college, when they get married. I physically do not think I'll be able to do it! He said, "Okay, Susan, slow down. You still have a little time. This is all a process of slowly separating and trusting God to protect them."

So after I got home from the nightmarish trip to Brooklyn I had been crying and worrying. What if she's unhappy, what if she doesn't it like it this year, etcetera. I opened up my devotions for the day. And the title was "Stop worrying so much." I just had to cry some more because it reminded me that God is INTIMATELY, INTIMATELY involved in my life. He knows EVERYTHING I think, feel, say and need.

So Mommy Duck is trying to rest in the knowledge that Beauty #1 is in the hands of the Good Shepherd and He is INTIMATELY aware of everything she is doing, thinking and feeling. And he is much better equipped to help her than I'll ever be!

But............I still can't wait to see her and give her hugs and kisses. And yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll cry too!

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